Funny Scenes with The Ghost Of Sparta!
by LovelySinner7
Summary: Watch as Kratos fights colds, Medusa, and other creepy foes in these funny scenes with him suffering... All because of me... Bwhahaha! Read and Review friends! The Gods proclaim it!
1. Fighting with Medusa…

LS7: Hey there folks… I know I should be working on my other fics but this won't leave me be… Don't worry, I will get to my other stories!

Kratos: Woman! Why have I been brought here!?

LS7: ***GLARES* **Hey! Shut up you! You're in my world now and what I say goes… GOT IT!!!

Kratos:………..

Summary: Funny scenes with the Ghost of Sparta!!!!

_Scene 1: Fighting with Medusa…_

Kratos: "You fiend!!! I Will destroy you with the blades of Chaos!!!"

***Scowls while pulling out the Blades of Chaos***

Medusa: ***GROWLS*** Oh! Yeah Ghost of Sparta…?! Just try!!!!"

***Medusa Starts throwing boulders and other painful objects at poor Kratos who tries to dodge but barely***

Kratos:** *Starts pouting and tearing up* "**H-hey! That really hurt…. What did I-I ever do to you! You-you big BULLY!" ***Cries uncontrollably***

***Crickets chirping happily in the background***

Medusa: …………………"uh?"

***Kratos continues to cry and vent***

Kratos: "DO YOU ***Sobs*** have any clue how hard it is to be me!? DO YOU!? I have to fight you bloody things everyday and ***Censored* **every NIGHT!!!!! All I want is my cookies…that's all! COOKIES WITH THE SPRINKLES ON THEM!!! WHY DO THE GODS BETRAY ME!!!???!!!"

Medusa:…"WHAT? I thought you sought to relinquish your sins!"

***Kratos glares so harshly at Medusa that she dies in a non climatic way***

Medusa: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Kratos: "That will teach you to question me!!"

***Screams at the sky to the Gods of Olympus….Mainly Zeus like he does all the time***

Kratos: "ZEUS!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT THIS NIGHTMARE TO END!!!!!! HOW LONG MUST YOU PROLONG MY SUFFERING…? FOR THE TASTE OF COOKIES WITH THE SPRINKLES?!"

***From Mount Olympus***

Zeus: "For as long I want to fool….. Now leave me alone I'm busy with a life and death situation here!"

Kratos: "BUT my Cook-"

***The sky parts in an ominous way and suddenly a lightning bolt hits our brave and half naked hero into a smoldering pile of ash.***

Zeus: "That'll teach the young brute to piss me off while I'm in a near life and death situation!"

***Sitting across from his brother Poseidon playing-***

Poseidon: "Got any three of hearts?"

***Goldfish……..***

Zeus: "Mother of all crap!!! Here!"

Poseidon: "Yay!!!!! I get pony! I get the pony! I get the-"

***Kills Poseidon off with a sharp lightning bolt to the head… Poseidon's blood is all over Zeus.***

Zeus: "No One! AND I MEAN NO ONE WILL STEAL MY PONY!!!!"

***Runs off (with the blood still on him) to tell Athena what Hermes "**_**supposedly" **_**did to poor Poseidon who didn't see it coming…***

***A week later in the underworld….***

Kratos: "WHAT ABOUT MY COOKIES!?

Hades: SHUT UP!!!

Kratos:…….***Softly like a little girl, balls up in a corner and cries***

Dead People:……………"lame!!!!"

**Scene ends……**

LS7:……AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ***Wipes tears from her eyes***

Kratos: I don't find that amusing woman!! ***Pulls out the blades of chaos***

LS7:………Um?! ***Backs up slowly while Kratos advances slowly seething with a desire to kill* **READ AND REVIEW!!


	2. Achhooo! Kratos is Sick…?

LS7: ***Running away from A crazy Kratos* **Ahhhhh! I hope you all enjoy the second ***Pants* **Chappie… Oh! I don't own Kratos! But I own Most of the God of War games….

Kratos: Grrrrrr! Come back HERE!!!!!

LS7: Gotta go!

_Scene 2: "Achhooo! Kratos is Sick…?"_

***Scene Begins on a ship to Athens it's raining really hard and Kratos is in bed… Sneezing!***

Kratos: "Hah-choo! HEH-CHOOOOOOO! Ugh! What did I do to- Achoooo! Deserve this!

***Blows nose in a tissue that is place there mysteriously…***

???: Well let's see, you killed your wife and daughter and killed a huge hydra….Must I go on…?

Kratos:…………………..? What in the name of Athena are you?

???: I'm an elf! My name is Ash!

***Kratos just looks stunned beyond this point while the tissue is still being held at his nose***

Ash: So it's kinda of your fault that your sick my friend… Try putting on more clothes…Of course you caught a cold… All you wear is…well nothing but open toe sandals complemented with a ripped red toga and nothing else…

Kratos: WHO *Coughs harshly* SENT YOU!!??!! I don't have time for you…

***Lies back in bed with a loud thump and pulls the covers over himself…***

Ash: "So Kratos… want some cookies?"***Pulls out cookies from outta nowhere!* "**Zeus told me how much you love cookies…The ones with…Sprinkles!"

**Lump on the bed that happens to be Kratos Starts Growling dangerously***

Kratos: "Ah- ah -ah chooooooo! Look you monster….I have a cold, I'm already pissed off and- did you say cookies?"

Ash: "Yep! With Sprinkles" ***Grins***

***Kratos quickly sits up in bed…But almost falls back cause of the fever he has….***

Kratos: "The gods have finally heard my plea… Ugh! My throat…But who cares!!"

Ash: ***Gives an overly happy ghost of Sparta the Cookies* **"Hope you like em!" ***Grins***

***Kratos opens the he cookie box only to find it….***

Kratos: "Empty!? WHAT TREACHERY- Achoo ***Sniffs* **Ugh! IS THIS!" ***Coughs until he rolls off the bed***

Ash: "Bye!" ***Quickly disappears before Kratos gets up!***

Kratos: ***Looks around for Ash only to find no one* "**Bastard!!!" ***Nose starts running* **"EW!! EW!!! Where's the tissues?"

***While blowing his nose very hard, Kratos glares at the ceiling and yet again….yells at Zeus***

Kratos: ***Coughs* **"Z-ZEUS!!!! WHY!? IS IT AMUSING TO YOU TO-to Heh-shooooooo! TORTURE ME SO!?" ***Sways and falls to floor…he passes out***

***Up in Olympus…Again! All of the Gods Minus Poseidon are watching Kratos suffer in HD***

Hera: "Hahahahaha! Go back to the part when he coughs and falls- ahaha- out of bed!"

Artemis: "Hhahahahaha! I can't take it! Too funny!"

Zeus: ***On the floor dying of Laughter* **"It's even funnier like this…."

***While on the floor, Zeus takes the golden remote of awesomeness and plays Kratos falling out of bed in slow-motion***

***All of the Gods Start laughing (Except Athena)***

Athena:…………… "I don't find someone with a cold and falling out of bed funny father!"

Zeus: ***Totally distracted by the really funny scene before him* **"Y-yeah! Whatever sweetie… Daddy is busy right now…go play with your toys.."

Athena:………"I HATE YOU!!!!" ***Runs to her room and slams the door in which the whole kingdom shudders***

Zeus: ***Still distracted* **"Uh-huh! Love you too hon."

***Back on the ship with a still hot yet cold-ridden Kratos in bed***

Kratos: Unnnn! Heh_chooo! HEH- Heh-choooooooooo! Why be!? Whad did I do! Oh! Great.. now I'b- Gah-choooo! ***Coughs* **Stuf ub."

***One last time in Olympus… All of the gods minus the already dead one and Athena are all dead because they couldn't stop laughing their heads off at Kratos in slow motion, falling off the bed…. While their all dead, the HD God flat screen still shows Kratos falling of the bed in slow motion… Which is actually pretty darn hilarious…***

**Scene ends…**

LS7: Aw Poor Kratos… I made the poor guy catch a cold…^^

Kratos:… Id is nod Fundy……..***Sniffs* **

LS7: ***Gives Kratos some tissues ( The puff ones)***

Kratos:……Thank- Achhooo! You…

LS7: Aw! Well click the button at the bottom of your screens to leave me gifts of awesomeness…^^…… And to make him feel better…..

Kratos: Ah-chooooo!


	3. Wait Who's Prometheus again?

LS7: Hey Kratos… Feel better!?

Kratos:…… *Sniff* No…

LS7: Don't worry, your cold will go away…soon! Just get some rest…

Kratos: *Sneezes* Hd…

Scene 3: Who is… Prometheus?

**Scene begins as Kratos sees a man that is being chain to what looks like a hand pillar… The man is chain to the said pillar while a big white bird eats out his stomach…**

Kratos: Um… h-hello?

???: The pain… omg! The pain!!!

Kratos: So who are you old man?!

***A weird record in the background rips indicating a shocking moment of disbelief***

???: YOU CALL YOURSELF THE NEW GOD OF WAR AND YOU DON'T KNOW OF ME?!

***Crickets in the Backgrounds…Kratos looks around in boredom***

Kratos: Hmm……OH! Your that nerd…who gave some people fire…uh….? Pro-something…

???: Prometheus… MY DAMN NAME IS- OW!! Stupid bird… AHEM! PROMETHESUS!!!! I WAS THE ONE WHO GAVE MAN FIRE!!!

***Dramatic music starts playing as Prometheus shares his tragic tale of the Gods betraying him…***

Kratos:……..Sorry never heard of you nor do I really care!!

Prometheus: ***Glare***

Kratos: ***Glares back***

Prometheus: So… while that bird is gone…well till morning… wanna- HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?

***Kratos starts walking away towards the cave hoping he could get a brand new weapon… Not really caring about whoever the guy is…**

Prometheus: H-hey? What about helping me die? I wanna be free?! HEY!!! LISTEN!!!

***Kratos continues to walk away… in a sexy bad boy way…***

Kratos: Don't care old man!! And stop stealing lines that don't belong to you… See ya fire man!!!

***Kratos leaves Prometheus alone and yells at nothing to let who ever played that awful dramatic music to stop… music quickly stops***

Prometheus: IT'S NOT FIRE MAN!!! IT'S PRO-METH-E-US!!!!

***Far away in the Cave…***

Kratos: WHO CARES!!! I'M THE MAIN CHARCTER!!!!

**Scene Ends…**

LS7: How can you not know who he is?!

Kratos: *Wrapped up in blankets* Cause I don't *Sniff* care…

LS7: Put this thermometer in your mouth…

Kratos:……..*Glares*

LS7: …..*Glares back* Review guys!


	4. Shut Up Gaia!

LS7: Let's get started okay Kratos? Uh… what are you doing?

Kratos: *Killing a dog thing* Um… Venting?

LS7:………….Um… enjoy… And Go back to sleep you!! You're not totally better..!

Kratos:……….whatever!

Scene 4: Shut Up Gaia!!

***Scene begins with Kratos on the back of Gaia, the mother of all titans. They are on their way to mount Olymous to fight the Gods…(Mainly Zeus) The earth beneath his feet, is making Kratos a bit woozy and Gaia's trembling voice wasn't helping his on coming headache…***

Gaia: Soooo Krrraatttoooossss… Hoooooowwwww doo you plaaaan onnnn-

Kratos: ***Rubs his bald head in utter despair…* **Gaia… WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE ***Censored o.O* **UP!!! GOD!! YOU'RE SO ANNOYING…jeez…

***The ground stops… Gaia turns her big freaken head towards Kratos and points a ugly finger at him***

Gaia: KRRRRAAAATTTTOOOOSSSS! DOOOOON'T TEEEEESSSTT MEEEEEE FOOOORRR-

***Kratos just glares at Gaia and walks away…***

Kratos: Why in the name of sprinkle cookies did I get stuck with this freak of a titan…I rather be stuck with Atlas… But he smells…

Gaia: OOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!! I'MMMMMM TEEELLLLINNNNGG HIIIMMMM YOOOOOUUU SAAAIIID THAAAATTTTT!!!

***Kratos sees a freakish deformed water horse, scorpion…thing and makes deal with it… using-***

Kratos: So… will you do it?!

Freakish Water horse…thing: Sure buddy, but remember our deal!!

Kratos: Yeah whatever just shut Gaia up….PLEASE!!!! And you will have eternal glory…

Freakish water horse…thing: YAY!!! COOKIES!!!!!

***Cookies…The ghost of Sparta used cookies….to bribe the poor deformed…thingy***

***As the water Horse thing does it's work, Kratos stands on the side lines to watch his handiwork***

Gaia: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! KRAAAAAAATTTOOOOOSS!!! HEEEEEELLPPPP MEEEEE!!!

***The water horse thing, rips through the titan and while she screams in agony, Kratos ignores her…entirely***

Kratos: Nope….

Gaia: PLEEEEEEAAAASSSEEEEE!!!!

Kratos: Sorry….

***Water horse thingy…continues its onslaught of destruction while Kratos smirks in triumph…***

Gaia:AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

***Kratos is sitting down playing cards with undead soldiers***

Gaia: ***Dying very quickly* **K-KRAAATOOOSS….UGH!!!

Kratos: Busy old hag…

Gaia: AHHHHH!

Kratos: SHUT UP!!!!!!

***The other titans are watching in awe as they see Kratos not helping Gaia out…***

Atlas: Whoa…that's deep dudes… But totally sweet… Did ya see when the horsey almost killed her…? Wicked…

Other titans:……………………Shut up Atlas!!!

**Scene ends…**

LS7: I swear Kratos… Next time don't stand in the rain next time and you won't catch a cold…* Passes him a tissue…the puffs one*

Kratos:…….Achhhoo! I hate you!!!

LS7: Love you too!! Read and review…

Kratos: Why do the gods hate be?!


	5. The Blade of Olympus isn’t working!

LS7:……. I have caught the worse cold ever….!

Kratos: Well I suppose that's what you call karma cause you made me get sick!

LS7: *Sneezes* Well that was because it had to be done for the benefit of the fans.

Kratos:……………….What-

LS7: Enjoy….*Coughs*

Scene 5: The Blade of Olympus isn't working!?!

**Scene begins as usual with Kratos fighting a bunch of undead, worthless, soldiers… As Kratos unleashes his blade of Olympus to kick their asses, Athena starts her mini monologue during which she explains in a epic way about the blade… And every weapon Kratos owns…**

Athena: Let the Blade of Olympus fill your rage Kratos!!!

Kratos: Um…. Athena?

Athena: Yes?

***Kratos looks a bit nervous as a swarm of undead soldiers approach… He tries everything he can think of to make the stupid sword work but he failed…Epically!***

Athena:…………….

Kratos:……………..

Undead folk1:………Um if you're not going to re-kill us, can we go home?

Undead folk2: Yeah, I promised my wife I'd be home in time for whose death is it anyway?

***All of the other undead folks nod in unison as they all have more important things to do…***

***Kratos looks at the undead people in disbelief….***

Kratos: But what about our quality time together!? The fighting... The bloodshed...Does that mean nothing to you people!?

Undead folks:……Um…. No!

Athena: Wow! Some friends they are!

***The undead leave the pair alone and Athena,(Being the Goddess of wisdom and all) finds out why the blade of Olympus wouldn't work!!***

Kratos: Why won't this stupid blade work?! It worked yesterday when I killed Medusa….

***Kratos goes to his happy place as he recalls fighting and beibg covered with the ugly snake lady's blood…. Note the sparkly dust around him and crappy love song music playing in the background….***

***Athena looks at him in shock and utter disbelief….***

Athena: _He has a happy place…? _Kratos!!!! I figured out why your blade isn't working!!!!

***Kratos is still in his happy place….***

Athena: KRATOS!!!!!! YOUR WIFE AND CHILD ARE HERE!!!

***Still in his happy place…***

Athena:…………I'm naked……

***Kratos leaves his happy place and is instantly besides Athena….***

Kratos: Finally some boo- Wait!!! Your not naked!!!

Athena:………..***Glares***

Kratos**:**…………***Ultra Glare***

Athena:…………***Hello Clarice…. Glare***

Kratos:………….***Say hello to my "little friend!!!!" Glare***

***Yay! Olympus…….!***

Zeus: SAY SOMETHING!!!!!!!! Sheesh!

Athena: No I'm not naked!

Kratos: Yeah whatever…. Did you figure out why the blade isn't working!?!

Athena: Indeed….

Kratos: Well….?

Athena: It needs………..***Dramatic music plays* **BATTERIES!!

Kratos: *Gasps* Alright journey time!!!

Athena: Yay! I mean…. Good luck Ghost of Sparta…. *Disappears*

Kratos:………She wouldn't even come along with me!! Rudeness!!!!

***Scene Ends…***

LS7: AA-chooo! Ugh! Stupid cold!!!

Kratos:……Here… *Hands me tissues…*

LS7: Aww…. Thanks!

Kratos:………………..Whatever…..


	6. Bath Time!

LS7: Finally, I feel much better! YAY! No more cold!!

Kratos: Lets get on with this fable!!!

LS7:…………!

Scene 6: "Bath Time!"

**Scene begins as usual with Kratos trying to bash the Gods and is fighting really hard and rough… Blood is on our very attractive hero as he sees a child… He approaches him and the child speaks…**

Child: Hi!

***Kratos looks around and then back at the child…***

Kratos: Child! Where are your parents?! It's dangerous out here!

Child: You smell! You needs a bath!!

***The child is laughing really loudly and cutely while Kratos is polishing his blades menacingly at the child… He wasn't really going to kill the little spawn….Well.... who knows***

Kratos: A BATH!?! CHILD BY THE GODS! I DON'T SMELL!!! GO HOME YOU LITTLE-

Child: ***Looks innocent* **Yeah... yeah you do! You smell like someone died!!!

Kratos:…………………………

Child:……………………………heheheheheheh!

***Out of nowhere***

Kratos's wife and child: OH! NO! THAT CHILD DIDN'T! ***Finger and head roll and all***

Child: So um… why is your skin red and grey!? You look dead!

***Kratos looks up at the sky and mutters some words that the child doesn't need to hear for it would damage it's pure and angelic innocence***

Kratos: Look child! I don't have-

Child: Why is your skin red and grey!?

Kratos: The grey-

Child: Why is your skin red and grey? ***Innocent face***

Kratos:……………………………!!!!!

Child: So why is-

Kratos: SHUT THE ***OH! MY GOD!* **UP! MY SKIN IS GREY BECAUSE IT'S THE ASHES OF MY DEAD WIFE AND DAUGHTER AND THE RED IS THEIR BLOOD THAT I SPILLED!!!!!!!! ***Huff!! Huff!!! Huff!!***

Child: Oh! You're still smelly!!! Bye!

***The mysterious child left Kratos where in the background, are dead things rotting and dying somemore… Kratos's eye and everything else was twitching....Badly!!!***

Kratos:……………………………What the hell was THAT all about!? WHO IN GOD'S NAME WAS THAT GOD FORSAKEN CHILD!!!!!!!

Zeus:……………………………STOP CALLING ME!!! Jeez……!

Kratos: No one called you POPS!!!!!!!!

Zeus: Don't make me zap you! And you do smell… I smell you from my kingdom!!!

Kratos:……………AARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Zeus:AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!

**Scene Ends…**

LS7: I'm not too proud of this one but I hope you all like it nontheless*_*

Kratos: Where's all of that confidence you had before!?!

LS7: Out the window and was ran over by a truck and was resurrected and the whole process was repeated!!!

Kratos:……………Ah?OoUUUU

LS7: -_- Read and Review!


	7. Dying and not liking it!

**LS7: So many people are really enjoying this and it's because you all that I write these fics… So this chappie is for all you guys out there^^**

**Kratos:……..Blah! blah! blah!**

**LS7: Hey! I love that song…*Starts singing***

**Kratos:…………………..?**

**Scene 7: "Dying and not liking it!"**

**Scene starts in the usual manner… Kratos angers the Gods, they smite him, he beats a couple of bad guys… Then goes to hell… again… You guys know the damn drill!! Kratos is now in hell cause he did something really, really stupid… AGAIN!!!**

Hades:…….Seriously….? Kratos! Why when ever I turn around I have to see you…?

Kratos: Oh whatever! Like your face is something I desire to see. Hence the reason you were a helmet… If the dead don't want to see your face…!!!

***A random dead lady who happened to hear their conversation, joins in on the topic of discussion just cause there wasn't much to do in hell… Except being…well…dead.***

Random dead lady:……… Um Kratos is right, you sacred me half to death when you showed your face….. And I'm already dead….

***An eerie silence lingers after that sentence… Everything stops to look at Kratos, Hades, and the random dead woman… Even the souls dropping from the world of the living….***

Kratos: Was that suppose to be…. Um what is it again…?

***Hades Looking bored and checks his nails….***

Hades:…….Um funny?

Kratos: Ah! Yes…funny….!

***Because the joke was so lame and more painful then a siren's yell, Kratos just destroyed her with the blades of Chaos and walked away pissed as hell…Hahaha puns….***

Hades:………………Um?

Kratos: I hate hell!!! It's so stupid and boring!!!! Where are the damn chicks?

Hades: Uh? There are no chickens here….But there's some at KFC and Popeyes…!

***Again… that creepy silence comes back… You know, that pregnant pause where things are really awkward…? Yeah… that!***

Kratos:…………………………….

Hades:……………………………..

Everyone in hell:………………………..

Kratos: KFC? Popeyes?! How about I pop your eyes!? HOW ABOUT THAT YOU IDIOT!?!

Hades:……….um sorry!?

***Blood is everywhere as Kratos dukes it out with the God of death… So much irony in that fight… Kratos obviously wins just because he's awesome… and gorgeous!!!***

Kratos: Jeez… enough with the stupid puns and crappy ironic statements….

Random soul thing: DEAD A DOORNAIL!!!

***Moments later… almost if not every soul in hell has been killed in numerous ways… Kratos walks away in the same bad ass way that he does… Suddenly, the narrator interrupts the scene to talk to Kratos…***

Narrator: Maybe you can be the new "God of Death!" Seeing as everywhere you go death follows you… Also-

Kratos: Say ***OMG the children !!!!*** something else ***What a bad name!!!*** and I'll rip you into to little ***Whatcha Say!?***tiny pieces so that no one will ***Say that again!?***find you!! TRY ME!!!!!! ***Censored to the point where it's one page!!!!!!***

Narrator:………………Okay nice chat! Bye!!!!

***Narrator leaves in a bored manner while Kratos looks around curiously***

Kratos:…….So? Um…………yeah! I'm all alone…..yeah……Wonder what Zeus is doing?

***Up in the place that is called awesomeness- I mean Olympus…***

Zeus:…..Oh hell no! He ain't coming up in this place!!!! Oh hell to the D.A.M.N. NO!!!

**Scene ends…(In bewilderment…)**

LS7:……………….

Kratos:…………….

LS7: Hehehehe!

Kratos: You need help! You know that right?

LS7: Look who calls the kettle black!!!!

Kratos: What?

LS7:…………………………….........*Sighs*

Kratos: What'd I say?!


	8. Hermes is prettier than who?

LS7: I haven't updated this in like… Forever…

Kratos: And where might I ask were you woman!

LS7: Um…Lets move on shall we?

Kratos:…!

LS7: Anyway, this chappie is going out to LuciousxTheBlackAngel since he requested that I do a scene that involved Hermes… So this goes out to you my friend! I hope you like this.

Warnings: Well since Hermes only appears in GOW3, then that's pretty much the spoiler…(Well… if you haven't played the third game anyway!)

Scene 8: "Hermes is prettier than who!"

**Scene starts with Kratos minding his own business as he was about to reach Pandora's box…Once again. As he walks in a badass manner, he comes across Hermes, the messenger God and a very obnoxious one at that… Kratos just walks past him in a bored manner and Hermes does the unthinkable…**

**He touches him… Dun! Dun! Dun!**

Kratos: Y-you just touched me! YOU JUST TOUCHED ME!

Hermes:…. Um…? Well you were just walking away and you know full well that I hate being ignored and all.

***Hermes literally rants for like what a good fifteen minutes…? Kratos was so bored and so out of it that he returned to his happy place where he and all of the other creatures frolicked joyously in the blood that he unleashed from their bodies… Oh yeah… Happy Place. Oh yeah! back to what's his name… Hermes.***

Hermes: So blah blah and then yidda yadda and I'm the most prettiest of all men and gods alike… And-

Kratos: ***Stops and turns to the arrogant son of a butter eating biscuit and laughs.* **Hahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh my god! Hahahahahahahaha! H-he said he w-w-was pretty! Oh! I haven't laughed so hard in all my life! Thanks Hermes, I knew you were good for something!

Hermes:… I AM PRETTY! I'm the most handsome being in all of Greece and past the deserts of Egypt. Father said so! So there you tragic excuse for a man!

***Oh Joy look! Olympus! everyone's favorite place!***

Zeus: Whoa! I said no such thing! Let's not put words in daddy's mouth alright Hermes! That's not nice!

Hermes: B-but father! You told me yesterday that I was handsome and-

Zeus: Uh… I did? Oh I remember!

***Kratos just shakes his head in disbelief…What a day! Didn't he have to see something about Pandora's box?***

Zeus: I remember that I was drunk that night… Whoa boy did I have one killer hangover! I was actually talking about a mortal woman I was eying-

Hera:…what!

Zeus: ***Sheepish grin* **Hehehe um…. Eying her to make sure that she was paying homage to us, when you walked in and thought I talking about you. Hehehe!

Hermes:…..

Kratos…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Even our father thinks of you as ugly as Medusa!

Zeus: Hey! I didn't say that!

Hera and Kratos: But you were clearly thinking it!

Zeus:…Well… yeah… Whatever…

Kratos: So Hermes? Prettier then who now!

Hermes: GRRRR! Curse you Kratos! What's so good about you anyhow!

***Out of nowhere the narrator makes her grand entrance where fairies and pixie dust and- ah crud, the narrator just appears out of nowhere just because!***

Narrator: Well with my awesome insight, I can explain why Kratos is just more awesome then you!

Kratos: Ha! See Hermes, I have backup!

Narrator: Let's see, Kratos is just more sexier, he has those awesome red tattoos, an amazing body, piercing eyes full of bloodlust and other things, his voice is so deep yet mysterious, and he's a hero in his own right… need I go on?

Kratos: It's good to be me…!

Narrator: Agreed!

Hermes: ENOUGH! I want to see what others think! The narrator's opinion means nothing to me!

Narrator: That's why Kratos rips off your-

Kratos: Shhh! Child! That's revealing the future! He doesn't need to know yet!

Narrator: Fine! Let's get the Three Kings here! Their not busy!

Kratos and Hermes: Alright!

***Suddenly a marble table with three chairs, who held three stones figures appeared with a Disney sort of tune…(Ya know like Cinderella) They were King Aeacus, King Rhadamanthus, and lastly, King Minos.***

Kratos: Hey guys!

King Aeacus: Sup!

King Rhadamanthus: Hi!

King Minos: Why am I here…?

Narrator: Now! I need you three to judge these two based on how handsome they are even though we all know the simple truth… I need you to judge them using scores…

King Aeacus: Like in the Olympics?

Kratos: Indeed! Let's start!

***Well the judges start with Kratos! They fall into a hush whisper as they decide what scores the pale hero should receive. Kratos, as always, looks to be on the confident side… As he rightfully should. It takes the judges only three minutes to decide.**

Narrator: Judges, your scores please…

King Aeacus: 10.0

King Rhadamanthus: 9.8

King Minos: 8.9

Kratos: Yo! Minos…. What French, toast?

Narrator: Kratos, remember where he's from…?

Kratos: Ah! Yeah… _Crete_….

Hermes: Now it's my turn and as such-

Everyone: Shut up!

Hermes:….

***The judges deliberate on what score to give the messenger god. It literally takes them four hours to decide… It would have taken them three hours but King Minos needed a de cafe frappe break…***

Narrator: Judges, your scores please…

King Aeacus: 6.7

King Rhadamanthus: 5.0

King Minos: 1.3

Hermes:.. WHAT!

Narrator: This humorous defeat could have been avoided if you would have just admitted that Kratos is better.

Kratos: ***Checking his nails in a bored yet arrogant manner* **I tell you… They never learn…

King Aeacus: Well… I would love to stay and chat but we got to go…

King Rhadamanthus: Yeah… I have a date!

King Minos: I just don't want to be here….

***The three Kings leave with a pop and Hermes just looks so defeated…Ah well…***

Narrator: Well Kratos it's been a blast… I got to go hon, but scroll me if you need some backup!

Kratos: Are we still on for Tuesday?

Narrator: Ooh… No sorry, I got to help this dorky kid named Herc learn to go the distance!

Kratos: Saturday sound alright?

Narrator: At 10pm? See you there Kratos!

***Leaves in a non climatic way***

Kratos: Bye!

***Turns to look at the pathetic man crying about how life isn't fair and and a whole lot of other nonsense… Before Kratos walks off in the oh so sexy manner, he smirks triumphantly at the still pathetic, crying lump of a man named Hermes.***

Kratos: You should have quit while you were ahead loser! Ah well… I guess that's why I'm the main Character and you're just… there! Well, see ya Herm!

**Scene Ends… (In total victory!)**

Kratos: Well, I seem to have enjoyed this…Very much indeed.

LS7: Glad to hear it! I hope that you also enjoyed this too LuciousxTheBlackAngel! I just noticed that this is the longest chappie so far…. Hehehe

Kratos: Well look who you were talking about.

LS7: True that! Well you all know the drill… Review!


	9. Zeus and Kratos…Bonding!

LS7: Well… Now lets get back to torturing our favorite Ghost of Sparta!

Kratos: Lets not…! I liked it when I was triumphant…

LS7: All good things must come to end! Plus, I have plenty of time to make your ego bigger.

Kratos: You mean it!

LS7: Yep! On with the fic!

Warnings: Well if you didn't play Chains of Olympus or finished it then I suggest not reading this due to a spoiler of the ending!(Of course I changed the ending a bit but you get the point^^)

Scene 9: "Zeus and Kratos…Bonding!"

**Scene starts with Kratos walking away from the battle scene he and the goddess of death, Persephone, just encountered. Of course the ghost of Sparta won due to his supreme awesomeness that couldn't be messed with. As he walks away, he ignores Atlas as he whines like a little baby about failing epically on not bringing down the world… Kratos and all of his glory, sees his daughter, Calliope. Kratos, like any guy who murdered his daughter without realizing it because he was just plain stupid, was just stunned…**

Calliope: Daddy!

Kratos: Holy Hera! Calliope? Is that you! Damn, you've grown…

Calliope: ***Giggles cutely like any other little girl* **Hehehe daddy! You're funny! But I was wondering something while being, well… dead for a while!

***Kratos is just bored for a good minute or two. He and Calliope were just walking around Elysium and Kratos was just slashing some random souls that kept bothering him to end… Very annoying!***

Random Souls: _Monnnnnnneeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy!_

Kratos: Go AWAY! I'm trying to have a heart to heart talk with my daughter now LEAVE!

Random Souls:… _Then why is she walking away from you and talking with King Daddy!_

_*****_**Lovely Crickets were happily chirping in the background due to the awkwardness that surrounded Kratos!***

Kratos: Um… who is King Daddy!

Random Souls...:…..!

Kratos:…?

Calliope:….Dad! Seriously don't you read?

Kratos: Read what!

Calliope: And to think we're related! Dad! King Daddy is only the biggest thing in Aphrodite Magazine since Hercules told everyone he's gay!

Kratos: HAHAHAHA! I knew it!

Calliope: Anyway! King Daddy is Zeus! Sheesh!

Kratos:…..!

King Daddy/Zeus: Hi!

Kratos: What in the name of Hades are you doing here old man! Shouldn't you be groping some mortal woman, getting her pregnant and denying the child!

Calliope: ***Gasps* **So you're a man whore!

Kratos: Young lady! Where did you learn such language!

Calliope: You….

Kratos:….My little girl is growing up so fast**.*Cries passionately***

Zeus: So Kratos! That's how you greet your own dad? Some respect.

Calliope: So daddy? This is your daddy then? Yay! I get a cool grandpa!

Zeus: It's good to be recognize…

***Kratos looks like he wants to kill but reminds himself of Calliope and how it was boring with the exception of his happy place, to search for her all over again! He sees Zeus smiling and waving at him… Kratos shuddered!***

Calliope: If King Daddy is really your dad, then why don't you two bond?

Kratos: Calliope! What did I say about that kind of language!

Calliope: But-

Kratos: But nothing!

Zeus: Yeah Kratos! Why don't we bond?

Kratos: We don't bond because bonding didn't exist yet…Actually we're before bonding! But progressed to fighting.

Zeus: Ah…!

Calliope: Wow… some relationship you two have!

***Kratos turns to look at his daughter in disbelief, didn't she hear him when he told about such language! Well she definitely got it from her mother's side of the family!***

Kratos: Young lady… you disobeyed my orders… I specifically told you not to speak such language. It's just plain rude… Words like bonds, relationships and, dare I say it, love are not to be used! If my mother heard me say that… well, lets just say I wouldn't get cookies and that's the worse punishment ever!

Calliope: But I-

Kratos: You're grounded! Now off with you…!

Calliope: But daddy! That's so unfair and unjustified! Grandpa!

Zeus: Now! Now! Lil'C, do as your father says…

***Calliope starts to have a classified 5 tantrum as she storms off where random souls burn due to her fury…***

Calliope: I hate you ALL!

Kratos: You'll understand some day…

Zeus: ***Sudddenly appears next to Kratos* **Don't worry son. It's just a phase… You're doing a fine job raising her…

Kratos: Thanks pops! You know, you're not so bad…Hey wait a minute!

Zeus:…..!

Kratos:…!

Everyone else:…?

Kratos: Who told you to be a fatherly figure to me just now!Zeus: I was just so in the moment!

Kratos: Well… just as long as we understand our mutual loathing for each other, then I suppose we could work out some ironic father/son moments that question our character developments. Agreed pathetic old man who was almost eaten by his father?

Zeus: Agreed bastard child who killed his own family because he was weak and needed help from my other psychotic son and is extremely horny!

Kratos: Glad we had this talk.

Zeus: Indeed! Well this old man has some young mortal women to seduce! See you… Bye Calliope!

Calliope: I still hate you ALL!

***Zeus leaves in an ultra climatic way with all of the lightning and thunder clouds that forebode an ominous feel to the whole dramatic exit…***

Kratos: Glad that's over…

***Calliope walks over to her father (Her tantrum is over) and taps him on the leg… Innocently course!***

Kratos: What is it now Calliope?

Calliope: So whose your mommy?

Kratos:…***Proceeds to faint, which he does!***

Calliope:…..Um? Daddy?

**Scene Ends…yeah…**

LS7:…..Wow!

Kratos: I hate you… You do realize that right?

LS7: Yeah… But I know that feeling isn't really true… Review everyone!


	10. What's behind door number what?

LS7: Well… Hello there my friends who loves God Of War!

Kratos: Hn…

Translation: Hello!

LS7: What are we on? The tenth Chapter? Awesome! As a GOW fan, we all know what new game is coming out Nov. 2 Correct?

Kratos: Another game with me. Gow: Ghost of Sparta!

LS7: Yes! And I'm totally getting the first day it arrives…

Kratos: Hn…

Translation: Start the damn fic already!

LS7: I didn't need a translation for that… Anyway on with the fic!

Warnings/Spoilers: Well this takes place during GowII When Kratos fights the sisters of fates…If you didn't play, don't spoil it for yourself, if you did, enjoy!

Scene 10: What's behind door number…what?

**Scene starts with our strapping hot to the core hero, fight the sisters of fate. All he cares about is kicking their asses so that he could face king daddy a.k.a. Zeus so that he could finally end his quest. His quest for cookies with the sprinkles. The first sister is dead due to the awesomeness that is of Kratos.**

Kratos: Ugh! This fight is so boring… Can't you just die so that I can get this crap over with!

Sister of fate1: Why! So you can get pass us and fight Zeus! Whatever mortal!

Sister of fate2: Yeah! What she said…

Kratos: But you ladies can trust me! Would I lie to you two? Would I use my sexiness to mislead you both? Come on ladies.

Sister of fate!: Ha! We are not so easy fooled you fool! My sister and I are to smart. Isn't that right?

***Sister of fate2 is looking at Kratos with chibi eyes full of fangirliness. She's blushing as she is totally ignoring her fuming sister.***

Sister of fate1: HEY! YOU B*&%$! PAY ATTENTION! DON'T LET HIS SEXY ABS AND DEEP MONOTONE VOICE FOOL YOU!

Sister of fate2: Ohhh… Kratos….. You would never lie to me right?

***Enter epic cheesy sultry music… It starts playing as Kratos speaks in a romantic voice at the second sister and from out of nowhere, roses fell from the sky….(Curtsey of Cupid)***

Kratos: Never my darling. You are the wind beneath my wings. You are my starship and I'll take you out tonight….

Sister of fate1 ***Proceeds to barf***:…...ew!

Sister of fate2: OH MY GOD!***Proceeds to die in a epic way here people…. She melted…***

***Music stops abruptly but not the falling of the rose petals…. Kratos becomes angry as the stupid bastard wouldn't stop throwing the roses.***

Kratos: LOOK YOU SON OF A B$%^! QUIT WITH THE F*&^&%! ROSE PETALS!

Cupid: B-but they add to the scenery….

Sister of fate1:…...?

Kratos:…...!***Gives the poor little guy a death glare so powerful, the roses all turned to ash and died….***

Cupid:….Well! I know when I'm not needed**.*And with that, a Disney ping sound is the little guy's cue to exit.***

Sister of fate1: Well… that was-

Kratos: Gay?

Sister of fate1: Nah! I say more-

Kratos: Gay?

Sister of fate1:…..Fine it was gay!

Kratos: So since your first sister died because she was just stupid and the other one- ***Looks at the melted thing that was Sister of fate2* **died because of my sheer sexiness, what will you do now?

\Sister of fate1: Hm…. Let's play a game….

Kratos: What?

Sister of fate1: Yes! A game. A game in which you try and figure out what is behind one of the three doors of my choosing. If you win, you can kill king daddy!

Kratos: And if I should-

Sister of fate1: LOSE? Of course you will… If you lose, you become my slave.

Kratos: ***In a bored tone* **Sex slave?

Sister of fate1: Uh? No… my cleaning slave!

Kratos: ! ANYTHING BUT CLEANING! ANYTHING!

Sister of fate1:Nope…

Kratos: B*^&$%! Fine…

Sister of fate1: Great! Let's start… oh! You only get one chance. Teehee!

Kratos: WHA-

Sister of fate1: I choose door number…..***Retarded drum roll* **3!

Kratos: It's always three…. Hey! How am I suppose to guess!

Sister of fate1: Not my problem!

Kratos: Uh…..? Um….? No….uh…? Ares….?

Sister of fate1: Nope! Sorry!

Kratos: WHAT!

Sister of fate1: Teehee Teeheee! The correct answer is a rubber duckie!

Kratos:…..

Sister of fate1:…

Kratos: A f&*(^%$ DUCK! YOU MADE ME PLAY THIS GAME JUST TO BE YOUR STINKING CLEANING SLAVE! AND TO TOP IT OFF, YOU EVADE MY SEXY ADVANCES? NOOOOOOOOOOO! ALL FOR A RUBBER DUCK!

Sister of fate1: Uh…..Yes… ***Laughs in a nervous laugh. You know, the one where you're about to die and try to plead for your life and fail? Yea… that one***

Kratos: Die motherf*(&^%$!hahahahahahahahahahaha!

***Yeah…she just died at the hands of the sexy beast known as-***

Kratos: Yeah! You ugly demon….. Don't ever try to evade the sexy might that is of Kratos the Ghost of motherf&*^%^* Sparta b*&^!

***Walks into the portal door thingy to face the might of Zeus! (And we know how that went…) Blood is still on him… very sexy!***

**Scene ends in blood and sexiness!**

LS7: See Kratos! I think you're sexy… I really do.

Kratos: Hn….

Translation: Really! Oh my gawd thank you so very much!

LS7: You're welcome!

Kratos: Hn!

Translation: Review!


	11. It's not a skirt! It's a Statement!

_**LS7: Hehe! Another moment for us to see Kratos suffer!**_

_**Kratos: Haven't I suffered enough you wretched girl!**_

_**LS7: Hm…Nope!**_

_**Kratos:….!**_

_**LS7: Enjoy everyone!**_

_**Scene 11: It's not a skirt! It's a statement!**_

_**Scene starts with Kratos walking the streets of Athens. Well… Athens being engulfed in a hellish fire. But Kratos didn't care. He just came from drinking his sorrows away. (Orange juice people!) He stumbles upon a little girl. At first, our hero doesn't really notice her. But upon closer inspection, she turns out to be that same little pip squeak 2who said he smelled… Oh the true horror… The true horror…!**_

_Kratos: Oh! Hell no! You again!_

_*__**The little pip squeak proceeds to laugh in that really annoying way that make you want to slap her but you don't for that is child abuse!***_

_Little Girl: Hehehehe! Hi stinky man!_

_Kratos: I am not this "Stinky man" you speak of you son of a-_

_***Little Girl looks around in boredom… In other words she is doing what all kids her age do, Ignores his rage of awesomeness!.***_

_Kratos: __***Evil glare of death is in use* **__Don't you dare ignore me when I'm about to curse you out you little-_

_Little Girl: So stinky man, why do you wear a skirt?_

_***Kratos is very confused at this point. Where did this demon of hell come from? And did she just say I was wearing a skirt? Oh f&*^% no!***_

_Kratos: This is not a skirt, but a statement! Now go home!_

_Little Girl: Oh please! You don't scare me old man! And what statement? That your gay?_

_***What? Olympus? Yay!***_

_Zeus: Oh snaps! Oh no she didn't! She called him gay… __***Proceeds to laugh with tears coming from his stormy eyes***_

_Athena: Father, may I concur to the fact that you've had male partners as well…?_

_***Suddenly Zeus is no longer laughing but shifts his eyes suspiciously!***_

_Zeus: Now! Now! Daddy's past is his past!_

_Athena: Then who is that young boy next you about to feed you grapes and place lotion on you then! Huh?_

_Zeus: Well sweetie… Garrett is daddy's "special" helper…*__**Laughs nervously***_

_Hera: __***In the background drunk…no kidding!* **__Whaaaa time izzzz ittttt? *__**Hiccups***_

_Zeus:….._

_Athena:…._

_Garrett:….._

_Athena: Why was I born to people like you! __***Leaves to her chambers***_

_Zeus: Kids….._

_***Okay back to Kratos and demon child***_

_Kratos: I AM NOT GAY! I LIKE THE OPPOSITE SEX! Wait! Why am I telling you this!_

_Little Girl: Cause you're an angry man who like blood and skirts! __***Again… there's that laugh!***_

_Kratos: Okay, first off I'm not angry-_

_Zeus: Ha!_

_Kratos: __***Glare of epic death* **_

_Zeus: Ahem! Continue!_

_Kratos:…. Anyway! Before I was rudely interrupted by that man whore!_

_Zeus: No need for such names! I prefer entrepreneur!_

_Kratos: Whatever… I am not angry! I just vent. AND THIS IS NOT A SKIRT YOU BRAT!_

_Little Girl: Then what is it stinky man! __***She smiles and little pixies and cutesy stuff appear from out of nowhere. Kratos kills them with his blades* **_

_Kratos: I'll tell you what it is! It's a…a…a man thing! You wouldn't get it!_

_***The Little Girl turns from a cute little girl to a demon of epic hell! Fire and lightning surrounds her as fangs grow from her mouth and her eyes turn red… Kratos is scared out of his tattoos***_

_Kratos:…..Oh s&$!_

_Zeus:…..I need my teddy!_

_Garrett: I'll be your teddy King Daddy!_

_Zeus: YAY! I'm not scared now!_

_Demonic Little Girl: HOW DARE YOU! A MAN THING! WHAT ARE YOU, SEXIST! I WILL DESTROY Y-_

_Kratos: Uh… it's not a man thing… Wrong choice of words… It's a statement to my awesomeness…Yeah…._

_Demonic Little Girl: Hmm…..I see….*__**Turns back into the pesky- I-I mean sweet child!***_

_Kratos: Well… this was a nice chat!_

_Little Girl: Yeah… But don't force me to go into that ugly state again stinky man who wears skirts!_

_Kratos: I told you I don't-_

_Demon Little Girl: !_

_Kratos: Um…I love wearing…*__**Doesn't look her in the eye* **__Skirts…._

_Little Girl: Good… Well I gotta go stinky man! Remember what we talked about! __***Leaves in a cloud of pixies and unicorns and-***_

_Kratos: We get it narrator! Sheesh!_

_Narrator: I was going for a scene description!_

_Kratos: Well… not now!_

_Narrator: Fine! I see someone needs a time out! *__**Narrator leaves***_

_Kratos:…..Don't you dare laugh about this Zeus and use it against me later at one of those stupid parties!_

_Zeus: __***Eating grapes from Garrett's Hands* **__Actually, I already laughed at you and as for my parties, you're just mad cause no invites you. But thanks, I will give my guests something more to torture you with…. Bye!_

_Kratos:…...I HATE YOU!_

_Zeus: Uh-huh…..*__**Continues to eat Grapes from Garrett* **__I love Grapes!_

_**Scene ends in pixies and fairies and- *Record rips* Alright people show's over… You can stay but you gotta get the hell out of here!**_

_LS7: Omg! This is just…too…FUNNY! HAHAHAHAHA!_

_Zeus: Right? HAHAHAHAHA!_

_Kratos:…..Just die… Just die a horrible death full of pain and suf-_

_Zeus and LS7: Shut it Kratos! Review people!_

_Kratos:…..!_


	12. Kratos gets high on what now?

LS7: Well I haven't been paying this fic much attention. And for that I apologize. But I came across a review from my lovely friend Reaper7 and he had requested that I do a scene where Kratos becomes high. So I figured, lets go with that. So this rendition of Kratos becoming high is for you Reaper7.

Kratos:…..When will this nightmare of a story cease to end Child!

LS7: Ugh! I'm not a child for I will be twenty next Tuesday so there!

Kratos:…..Whatever….

Warning: Well this one in particular gets a little heated if you know what I mean… So if you're uncomfortable with reading this chapter turn back or wait until the next chappie…

**Scene 12: Kratos gets high on what now?**

**The scene begins as Kratos leaves his throne room. He had just became the new God of War and he hated it…because he was Kratos who hated everything… Anyway as the badass new God came down the hall to go to this retarded party Zeus was throwing, who does he see? Aphrodite…Great!**

Kratos: ***Sighs in utter boredom***What do I owe the pleasure?

***Flirting with Kratos as she does with every one, Aphrodite seductively sways her hips. Kratos walks away in total boredom..***

Aphrodite: Hey! Don't you dare turn your back on me Spartan! All I want from you is your-

Kratos: You want my body right? Well you can't have it! It's mine and mine alone!

Aphrodite:…..uh?

Kratos:….What?

Aphrodite: Um… Nothing! But that's not what I want, well, at least not yet! But I know you don't want to go to father's party because it so dreadful and lame like my husband!

***Somewhere else in the underworld where Hades and his posse hang out!***

Hephaestus: Do you guys get that feeling when someone is talking about you?

Hades: No not really…. It must just be you!

***In a bored tone, commands his all so cute puppy Cerberus, to kill off a minion who didn't get him the right drink.***

Cerberus: Rawr!

Hades: Good Boys!

***Pets his not so cute three-headed dog who has blood on his face and a leg sticking out his mouth***

Hephaestus:…

***Back to Olympus where awesome people dwell***

Kratos: So what that I don't want to go to Zeus's lame ass party? What does that have to do with you?

***Kratos activates his ultimate power on Aphrodite…His death glare of doom!***

Aphrodite: So… I have something for you that might make you….uh? What's that word that means you smile a lot? Uh…OH! Happy!

***Kratos gasps in disbelief as the Goddess of love deflected his secret weapon! Oh no she didn't!***

Aphrodite:.. Kratos?

Kratos:…..I hate you!

Aphrodite: ***Rolls her eyes as everyone knows Kratos's secret weapon***Be that as it may, here!

***In Kratos self loathing period, Aphrodite had taken a vile from her robes and tossed it to Kratos* **

Aphrodite: Here! Take that and you'll be very happy… Anywho, I got to go, father wants me to entertain the guests! TA-TA!

***And with that Aphrodite leaves the hall and it smells of very expensive perfume… ew!***

Kratos: I wonder what this potion is? Knowing her, it's probably something to take my body…that fiend!

***But being a curious man by nature, Kratos takes the lid of the vile and sniffs it. It smells sweet and sugar-like… these are things that Kratos loathes entirely! But he doesn't care as usual and drinks the entire bottle completely ignoring Aphrodite's warnings!***

Aphrodite: Kratos! Don't drink the entire vile. It make you go crazy if you do….

Kratos:….I thought you were entertaining the guests?

Aphrodite:….OH! Yeah! Well…bye!

Kratos:….That stuff tasted like, chocolate? Why do I want Chocolate! DAMNIT! I WANT MY CHOCOLATE! NOW!

***Kratos in his high induced rage from wanting chocolate so badly, runs down the hallway towards Zeus and his lame ass party.***

Kratos: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I WANT MY CHOCOLATE GOODNESS NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! ! YEAH BABY! I WILL HAVE YOU CHOCO!

***At the party that is so lame, Zeus can't believe that he's the one that is hosting it so he decides to entertain himself as he is King daddy after all…we all know what this means!***

Zeus: Feed your King grapes!

***A bunch of young men who are covered with masks and also golden paint that sparkles like golden sand, stand around Zeus, feeding him grapes and wine. Aphrodite was entertaining…***

Zeus: Hey! Does anyone get that feeling something is going to happen that you can't explain?

Athena: ***Reading a book about how parents should understand their kids feelings, answers in a causal tone* **Yea… everyday of my life!

Zeus: Anybody?

Athena: I JUST ANSWERED YOU!

Zeus: Seriously don't all speak out at once now!

Athena:….

***Suddenly the golden doors open and every being including the slaves were speechless as they saw Kratos breathing extremely hard and his eyes were red and his pupils dilated… Suddenly, he ran over at the fountain scaring a man-slave and smiled freakish…***

Kratos: CCCCHHHOOOOCCCOOLLLAATTEE! MY PRECIOUS SUBSTANCE! I MISSED YOU CHOCO-BABY! DID YOU MISS DADDY TOO!

***Added he squealed with delight***

Athena:…..

Aphrodite:…..Interesting.

Man-slaves:…..He's hot!

Other Gods and Goddess:… He's higher then Hera!

Hera: HEY!

Zeus: Did he just squeal like a little b-

Athena: Father!

Zeus: I was going to say baby!

***Zeus glared at Athena and turned to look at Kratos who was licking people like a puppy and kept screaming about chocolate and how it was better then sex. Wait- Zeus was outraged at this! Nothing! Was better then sex!***

Zeus: Well at least the party is more lively…And did he say that chocolate was better then SEX!HELL NO! Someone give me the blade…

Man-slave1: Which one King Daddy? The blade of hotness? Or the blade of gorgeousness or-

Zeus: No Antonio, give me the blade of so hot you can't stand it! QUICKLY!

Antonio: Yes my lord!

***The first man slave now dubbed Antonio, gave Zeus the blade of so hot, you can't stand it! Zeus swings it around and approaches Kratos who is fidgeting a lot. His eyes become more and more crazy.***

Kratos: I WANT MY BABY! CHOCOLATE WANTS ME TOOOOOOOOOO!

Zeus: Kratos, try to calm down!

***He points the blade at Kratos who breaks it with one swift movement…***

Zeus: H-h-he broke…he BROKE MY BLADE!

Kratos: I LOVE CHOCOLATE! NOT YUCKY SEX!

Zeus:…..grrrrrrrrr!

***The whole room becomes eerily silent at those words… This includes the underworld…Hades was pissed and Hephaestus was…well, bored.***

Hades: Nothing is better then SEX! ZEUS TEACH THAT PUNK A LESSON!

Hephaestus: This is lame!

Hades: YOU'RE LAME!

Hephaestus:…..That hurt Hades….

***Starts crying and Hades is lost at what do, so he walks away… epically***

***Back with the others, where the party is no longer boring***

Kratos: I WANT CHOCOLATE COVERED BUNNIES NOW!

Zeus: Kratos… you can't have the chocolate bunnies…

Kratos:…

Zeus:…

Kratos: YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME YOU HORRIBLE MONSTER! NOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Zeus:…Who's "him?"

***Kratos stumbles around the room as if he's searching for something hat obviously isn't there. By this point, Athena left to go to her counselor for her usual therapy session who is an owl. The man-slaves are still drooling over Kratos, and Aphrodite, well… she left to go to the underworld, to "entertain."***

Kratos: CHOCO BABY! WHERE A-ARE YOU! D-D-DADDY WON'T Y-Y-Y-YOU!

Zeus:….Um, I'm leaving, this is too much for my awesome mind to take. Antonio, male-slaves, lets go!

***Zeus flamboyantly claps his hands and dramatically leaves the room along with his posse of male-slaves and Antonio behind him…* **

Kratos: CHOCO! C-CHOCO! DO-DO-DON'T LEAVEEEEEEEEEE ME! OHHHH! THE CELING IS SOOOO SPARKLY!

***Scene ends in utter sadness because Kratos is still high and Zeus takes a vacation away from him… of course his posse comes along as well as Antonio. Aphrodite is still entertaining and laughs her head off as her plan for Kratos to get high made her feel entertained… Oh irony…***

LS7: I hope I did this justice…Well it was pretty damn funny! Hahahaha!

Kratos:…..Your going to die before your birthday next Tuesday child!

LS7:…Oh my god! Seriously! O_o

Kratos:….Yes!

LS7:…..review because he's scaring me….


	13. Kratos was Sexy Even Back Then…?

LS7: Hey everyone! I know, I know…! And I'm sorry, but to show how very sorry I am, I'm going to give you guys a chapter or two. I finished God of War: Ghost of Sparta so the chapters will focus on that game for awhile. SO…

Kratos: If you have not played the game, (Which I don't understand why since it's me…) don't read for there are many spoilers.*Goes to kill something while flashbacks pop up randomly*

LS7: Hehe, enjoy…and I don't own, Naruto, Celine Dion, and Kingdom Hearts. But I have their lovely music!

**Scene 13: "Kratos was sexy even back then…"**

***Scene begins with our hero going to save his blood brother who we did NOT know he had…(Unless you read between the lines in part three) Any who, his name rhymes with Kratos, he looks like he came from the movie "Gladiator…" and-***

Kratos: Woman, will you just get on with it! You're worst then Gaia!

Narrator:.. Well you know what you sonofa*&%$!, I'm trying to make this story more interesting and if you don't like, you can just go and-

Kratos: ***Utterly bored* **Yeah… done it, got bored, so um…? Can you just… you know, finish up here? Thanks!

Narrator: ***Stabbing a poor bunny that happened to be there at the time* **Fine…

***Scene begins with Kratos saving his brother because he was bored and had nothing better to do, he was on his way to visit Death, since they haven't spoken in awhile and needed to catch up. Kratos is about to walk somewhere when he suddenly got a hot flash…I-I-I mean, a flashback…Yeah…***

Kratos: Oh No! Not this is again…

***Kratos sees himself much younger and ohh…? Is he cute? By the gods he was, and he's kicking his little brother's ass since Kratos is just that cool… He says some Spartan words which translates to: **_**"Be a man, you *&^$ and suck it up!" **_**Suddenly, Ares and Athena come… yadda, yadda, yadda, and kidnaps Kratos little bro…***

Kratos: Well… I was no…STILL, a sex god. I mean sure, I was a bit, scrawny. But I was still getting ladies at my age… Damn I looked good…Still do! ***Suddenly the clouds part and Kratos rolls his eyes…***

Zeus: ***Insert that cheesy music that is heard when someone important arrives***

***Naruto's theme is heard***

Kratos: What the hell is that? ***Looks around like a crazed man***

Zeus: That's NOT my damn theme! ***Snaps his fingers* **Eduardo!

***Suddenly fairy dust appears next to Kratos in the form of a young man…* **

Kratos…

Zeus…

Kratos: Seriously? Another one! What happened to that other kid you had?

Zeus: Oh, Enrique?

Kratos: No…

Zeus: Uh? Pedro?

Kratos: No…

Zeus: Um…Adonis?

Kratos: N- EW…..!

Zeus: Well… whatever, he went on vacation, and Eduardo was available. Any who… sweetie? Can you go kill the DJ that is playing that hideous theme and play the right one for King Daddy's entrance?

Eduardo: Of course King Daddy…***Leaves for like two minutes and comes back with Blood on him***

Kratos: You're already here! So what the damn point of-

Zeus: Shhh! My theme's here! ***Makes a shooing motion to Kratos who's eye was twitching ever so slightly***

***Plays theme from Kingdom Hearts 1..."Simple and Clean"**

Zeus: That's much better.

Kratos: You are not simple and clean!

Zeus: You're just hating on me! But that's okay since you did get something from me.

***Kratos at this point was enjoying a nice game of bang your head on the wall. He was on the verge of beating his score when he stops only for a moment***

Kratos: Got what from you old man?

Zeus: Why your looks of course! Didn't your mother tell you?

Kratos: I got my looks from you? ***Starts laughing so hard he trips and falls***

Zeus: What the ^%$ is so funny?

Kratos: ***Still on the floor laughing* **What's funny old man is that my sex appeal was not given to me by you. I was just blessed!

Zeus: Silence you fool! I'm King Daddy! And all children born from me are sexy! Your mother should have told you that!

***Kratos is now sitting on a rock checking out his nails in a bored fashion. Suddenly the simple and clean theme is done playing on repeat and a new theme is replaced to indicate Kratos and all of his glory***

***Insert Daddy's Home by Usher Theme***

Kratos: Well, old man I have better things to do…And yeah my mother told me about you! She told me that you were gay!

Zeus…But I'm gay AND sexy! OH! I like this theme…It shall be mine!

Kratos: Just go away! And that theme is for me and me alone! The point is, I'm sexy now and was sexy then**.*Makes graceful hand gestures around his body to indicate how important his sexy body is***

Zeus: You brat! Just admit I'm sexy!*** Starts whining***

Kratos: ***Is walking away at this point* **Go away old man! I'm too important to be dealing with you right now…

***Zeus gets angry at Kratos and actually starts crying… Eduardo has an umbrella to cover him from the salty tears but is patting Zeus on the shoulder. Zeus suddenly summons his super awesome lighting bolts and hits Kratos with them***

Kratos: ***Senses danger since he's that awesome!* **Oh please…

***Using his awesomeness powers known as the Golden Fleece, Kratos reflects the attack back at Zeus while still walking away. A very high pitch scream that sounds very girly is heard.***

Eduardo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! X.X

Zeus: EDUARDO BABY! ***Sadness and Sorrow Theme from Naruto is heard* **Eduardo, you were…you were my only lover! I feel so empty and lost w-w-without yooooooouuuuu!

Kratos: Oh please, you know you have many more where that came from.

Zeus: ***Suddenly drops the dead body ungracefully on the ground with a smirk* **You know what boy?-

Kratos: BOY?

Zeus: You know what boy? You're right… I have much more "Treasures" in my grove that need attending to. So why don't you run along while trying to save your brother or whatever… Daddy has to go.***Waves flamboyantly and a cloud of sparkles surround the king…basically he disappeared oh so dramatically.***

Kratos: I hate that man! And he called me boy! BOY!

Narrator: Well… that's the King of Olympus for you…

Kratos: Who asked you!

Narrator: Rude mother&^%$!

Kratos: ***Completely ignores the narrator and her last comment* **Aren't I on some quest?

Narrator: No kidding! Go save your brother!

Kratos: But I just don't feel like it ya know? ***Bashes in some legions with his fist while whining***

Narrator…I'm done with you! What… you think you're too good to save your brother you jerk?

Kratos: Actually I was looking for the words, Sexy, extraordinary, talented, you know? Nouns that justify my entire being?

***By this point and time, the narrator has left Kratos alone to go play solitaire since Kratos was being rude and crap…She wasn't having that…* **

Kratos: That ^%$ left me! I can't believe the nerve of some people! Oh well, I had something to do but I guess I'll go to Sparta! I need an energy boost… Maybe a lot of boosters…

***Suddenly Aphrodite appears while in the distance a random Celine Dion song is heard* **

Kratos: I thought that Dj guy was dead… ah well… and what in Hades-

Hades: ***In the underworld* **Hi…

Kratos: Are you doing here!

Aphrodite: You said you needed an energy boost! Well here I am!

Kratos: Nah! ***Walks away very fast***

Aphrodite: Hey! Get back here!

Kratos: My sexiness is proven to be both a gift and a curse! ***Is actually thoughtful of this notion as he nods his head in a thoughtful manner while rubbing his beard thoughtfully* **GO AWAY! GO SCREW SOMEONE ELSE!

Aphrodite: Hm… Fine but I'll be back! ***Disappears in a shroud of pink haze***

Kratos: Jeez… I thought she would never leave! Hm, I guess my sexiness is truly a blessing! For it's a powerful weapon as well as a-

***From the high tops of Mount Olympus***

Zeus: A BIRTH RIGHT! Oh, yes, a little more to the right uh? What's your name?

Whatshisname: My name King Daddy is-

Zeus: Thanks… I've heard enough! Whatshisname!

Whatshisname:…***Continues his task of moving the T.V of Godly-ness to the direction Zeus wants***

***Back to the Sexy Demi God we all know and…love***

Kratos: I'm getting real sick of that old man! But I am sexy. Hn, Well time to go on my journey to enhance my sex appeal.

***It is at this time that our super sexy demi god is on his way on a journey. No, it's not to save his brother who is crying out for him in utter and desperate cry screaming: "Save me!" No… it's to discover who he is as sexy being and learn what true sex appeal really means. Oh, and he needs to get to Sparta ASAP for his need of energy and cookies…***

***Scene ends in sexiness…make friends with it!***

LS7: Ha! That was fun!

Kratos: You finally see how sexy I am…That is good!

LS7: Such an egotist man!

Kratos: Hn… I try!

LS7: So I decided that this will be the multi fic that I'll work on more until I feel it's finished…Well as finished as I can get it. Since I'll be busy in my third year in college, (YAY!) updates will come in when they can.

Kratos: Review Mortals!


	14. New Weapons Make The Man?

LS7: Hey what'd you know? Another chapter! Say hi to the lovely people Kratos!

Kratos: *Eating a leg of lamb* Hn…

LS7: Hehe! Well enjoy my friends. Oh! And thanks everyone for reviewing! You all are the wing beneath my-

Kratos: She loves you all! Now move along!

LS7:…Read the first chapter to see if I own the rights to God of War! (I don't own any thing else mentioned in this chapter!)

**Scene 14: "New Weapons Make The Man?"**

***Scene begins with the usual. Dead bodies, blood, and other tragedies! Other then that, it was a lovely day to take a walk. Kratos was doing just that when he spotted a familiar guy who looked to be-***

Kratos: Hey! Paul! How are you!

Paul: Um… my lord Kratos? My name isn't-

***Kratos suddenly turns bigger with glowing red eyes and what looks to be an ominous glow of fire behind him…***

Kratos: ***In a Booming voice* **Y-Y-Y-YOUR NAME IS PAUL! DO NOT QUESTION IT!

Paul: Um…Okay!

Kratos: That's better! Now Paul, why have you interrupted me in my joy time of walking pass the dead soldiers? Hmm?

Paul: B-But I didn't!

Kratos: ***Insert the Kratos glare of death… it comes in a variety of looks: Trendy, Sexy, and Angry!***

Paul: Forg-g-give me!

Kratos: Whatever! Now why have you come in my "joy time?"

Paul: Well, my lord! I've come with a special gift for you and it's made with the finest-

Kratos: ***Sees a pretty bird and follows it with eyes, completely ignoring Paul and his boring lecture!***

Paul: So you see my lord, uh? My lord?

Kratos: Such a pretty bird… I wanna kill it!

Paul…

Kratos:…

Paul: So my lord?

Kratos: Oh look, you're still here… Joy! So why are you here again? And please remember, that depending on your answer, I can send you to Hades-

***Within the depths of the underworld***

Hades: YAY! More dead soldiers!

***Okay back to your regularly scheduled program!***

Kratos: Or I can make you wish you were in Hades. No pressure!

Paul: Um… well….

***At this point and time Kratos is polishing his weapons. Smirking the whole way through.***

Kratos: So Paul, how would you like to die? A stab wound to the heart or shall it be nice, and slow? A personal favorite of mine!

Paul: I came to give you a Spartan weapon!

Kratos: Keep talking…***Still giving his blades that extra shine and sharpness***

Paul: It's a shield and spear. It befits your greatness my Lord Kratos.

Kratos: Well, that's very nice of you. But why would I need another weapon when I have my blades of chaos? Chaos is nice!

Paul: Well…this weapon will make you more popular!

Kratos: Nah… I'm the &^%^&^ Ghost of Sparta. ***Tries to find that bird so he can kill it with glee***

Paul: Uh? Well, it will make you more appealing?

***Kratos stops in his search for the poor innocent bird that felt an ominous presence and flew off somewhere. Kratos turns to look at a trembling Paul as he walks slowly towards him. That dark aura is surrounding the bald man***

Kratos: Hold on Paul… Did you say I'm bald?

Narrator: What the hell? Get back to work!

Kratos: I ain't your slave!

Narrator: Whatever! And yeah I said you're bald! I don't see any hair on you!

Paul:…

Kratos: Whatever! Go away pixie!

Narrator:…*Disappears with a pop of magic*

Kratos: Anyway, now Paul. Sweet, naïve, Paul.

Paul: ***Suddenly sees his life flashing before his eyes*** Oh my god my life was crappy!

Kratos: Who cares, I'm the main hero! So you have a weapon that makes me more appealing? Hm… I'm already sexy, but this can make me more appealing! PAUL!

Paul: I was here the whole time my lord.

Kratos: Don't get cute! Give me the weapon!

Paul: I don't have the weapon with me…

***You know that feeling of repetition? Yeah, that dark aura is back***

Kratos: You don't have the WEAPON! What kind of devoted servant of me are you! See this is why I don't work with amateurs!

Paul: I'll go get it for you right away**!*Paul leaves before Kratos speaks…that and he had to use the bathroom badly***

Kratos:… I guess I can walk around**. *A dark, and scary looking building is dead ahead. Kratos in all of his curiosity looks over at it***

Kratos: Hmm… what a dark and scary looking building! I think I'll go and take a look!

***Guess whose back? Suddenly the clouds part and a familiar theme are heard in the area***

Kratos: DON'T COME DOWN HERE OLD MAN! NO ONE WANTS YOU RIGHT NOW!

***The clouds go back the way they did before and suddenly it starts raining***

Kratos: Punk! DON'T START CRYING! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO CRY!

***To add insult to injury, it rains even harder and a booming noise is heard***

Kratos:… Whatever old man! Where the hell is-

Paul: I'm back my lord!***Starts waving frantically***

Kratos: ***Cringes* **Paul, where are my weapons?

Paul: Here they are! ***Kratos snatches the weapons with a grinch like smirk***

Kratos: Whoa momma! This spear is huge! And you know what they say about big shields and spears? Huh? Huh?

Paul:….?

Kratos: Get out of my sight!

Paul: Uh? Yes my lord! ***Paul leaves as he goes and bothers yet another soldier. Of course this soldier didn't like Paul so he ate him. Kratos watched with boredom.**

Kratos: Yeah… Now I'm bored again. Hmm… maybe I should try and fight something with this spear and shield. Of course, with my moves, I won't need these!

***Moments later…in an random place***

Kratos: Whoa! Momma! This spear kick the blades of Chaos ass!

Athena: WHAT!

Kratos: Oh! You're here too… Yeah! This big shield and big spear are very cool! And their big! I like big!

Athena: Who cares! Shouldn't go and save Deimos?

Kratos:…

Athena:…

Kratos:… Who?

Athena: ***Glares at Kratos who actually cringes***

Kratos: I have to perfect my glares!

Athena: GO AND SAVE YOUR BROTHER YOU MORON!

Kratos: But I'm just not feeling today… can't I save him tomorrow or next Tuesday?

Athena: NO!

Kratos: What's wrong with you? PMS, the old man ignoring you again?

***At this point and time, Athena really wants to kill Kratos, but like every man, woman, and child that come across him, they can't do it due to his secret weapon…sex appeal. It's very dangerous in the wrong hands… hence the reason Kratos hates Hermes! He doesn't deserve that power!***

Kratos: Of course, you wouldn't understand why I like this big spear, and big shield. It's okay though…

Athena: Yet again, WHO CARES!

Kratos: Who cares! I care, you not a dude so of course you wouldn't understand… well I would love to stay here and have this little chat over lamb and chicken with wine, but I got to go save my nerd of a brother Lumos!

Athena: IT'S DEIMOS!

Kratos: Eh? Close enough… it rhymes. Well got to go fight some dead people with these bad boys! Bye!***Kratos walks off in his bad boy way, big shield and spear close at hand. Athena although on a statue right now, has this sensation to bang her head against the wall… it seems tempting but she'll do it later…***

Athena: I hate that man with so much passion!

Kratos: ***Fom some random place where dead legion hang out and play black jack waiting to be killed…*** No you don't! You love me and my bad assed ways!

Athena: GRRRRRRRR!

***Scene ends with dead legions, an euphoric Kratos,(For one main reason) an ignored Zeus; and Athena who feels like killing herself***

Hades: What about me?

Narrator: What about you! The scene is over!

Hades: But what about my dead soldier?

Narrator: Here! ***Gives him Paul who was still alive…Surprisingly!***

Hades: YAY!***Goes back to the underworld***

Paul: NOOOOOOOOOO!

Narrator:…

***Scene ends(Truly), with Hades being happy, Paul, not so much and a narrator who is looking in the classified section of the newspaper.***

LS7: Hm… that was good!

Kratos: Hmm? That's all you can say?

LS7: Yeah… I'm sort of feeling the Aster with this!

Kratos: Stop with the Young Justice quotes!

LS7: Kratos is just feeling whelmed!

Kratos:…

LS7: Review guys!

Kratos:…


End file.
